If walls could talk...
by SecretSophi
Summary: What happens at the Burrow when there are no chaperones? Remember, "all's fair in love and war". HG/RW, HG/DM and more!.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything in the Harry Potter books, in Harry Potter's world. (I.e. the settings, characters, and all that good stuff) I don't even pretend to. JK Rowling created Harry Potter, and I give her all the credit. The only thing I own in _this_ story is the plot.

**Chapter One**

BABY YOU SMELL GOOD

The smoky green flames roared around her body as she traveled by Floo Powder to the Weasley's house. Hermione began to gag as a sickly sweet smell invaded her nostrils. She kept her eyes tightly closed because she would make herself dizzier by seeing her surroundings spin around in a complicated whirl. Hermione pinned her arms tightly to her side. She didn't want to gouge her limbs against the stone walls. _The last thing I need is another hurt, another wound, _Hermione thought silently. She had been damaged enough that summer.

Flying down the chamber, Hermione allowed her thoughts to drift back to the beginning of the vacation. She had visited Viktor in his home in Bulgaria, as planned, after her 4th year. They had gone swimming, hiked in the woods, and ventured to the disco dance parties every night. Sure, Viktor had had intensive training for his Quidditch, but Hermione loyally attended every one of his practices, workouts, and games. She was uncomplaining. Being with Viktor was pure bliss. Hermione imagined that they would live like this for eternity.

But young love often grows cold quickly. _I was a fool_, Hermione thought bitterly. Hermione's Utopia suddenly became a purgatory that fateful day in July. When she walked in on _them_, Viktor and that skanky new chaser on the Bulgarian Quidditch team, Hermione quickly packed her bags and returned to her parents. You know it's over when you catch your guy snogging that other girl.

Hermione quickly shook the fog from her brain. _Don't think about that little weasel. You're a free woman now. You're over Viktor._ Hermione had wallowed in her self pity for a few days after that terrible incident. But after having eaten pounds of chocolate and screamed countless rap songs at the top of her lungs, Hermione had begun to heal her broken heart. She wrote pages upon pages to Ron and Harry, telling them all that happened. That made her feel good, too. And now, she was going back home. It wasn't mumsy and daddy's house, but she was going to the Burrow, and she certainly felt at home and at peace there.

Hermione just didn't know if she'd be able to love another man again.

"You're both morons! You're slobs, too! You suck at life! When are you going to grow up? You're going to be thirty and still living with Mom and Dad Moooooooom! Daaaaaaaad! The twins are doing awful things to me!" Ron bellowed. Fred and George had shoved Ron into the fireplace and trapped him in there by pushing the couch in front of the entrance. They were always torturing Ron because they were demonic children and they enjoyed hearing their baby brother cry bloody murder. "Mom and Dad are in the garden. They can't hear you!" Fred cried.

Fred and George plopped themselves down on the couch, sniggering. They took no heed of the obscenities that Ron was hurling at them from his feisty mouth. Ginny was thumbing through a wizard's fashion magazine.

"Ooooo, I need to but new underwear. Oooo, this is a good deal! Five thongs for seven sickles!"

"I don't want to PICTURE you in that, that…_thing._ I don't want my little sis turning into a ho!" Fred gave a convulsive shudder.

"I don't need you to constantly watch over me. And you should let Ron out of there, I think he's claustrophobic," Ginny said worriedly.

"We probably should," said George.

"But, we won't," Fred said. The twins grinned evilly at each other. "Hermione's gonna get here in a minute!" Fred called to Ron. There was an increase in the ferocity of the pounding against the back of the couch.

All of a sudden, a steamy rush of air engulfed Ron. He saw Hermione falling, and he covered his head instinctively. 

"Ow!!!!!!!!" Hermione and Ron collided violently. They both shrieked in excruciating pain. Her luggage fell after and conked them on their heads.

"WHAT IS THIS? SOMEONE IS IN THE FIREPLACE! WHAT,

THEY'VE BLOCKED IT OFF? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" Hermione screamed in Ron's ear.

"Fred and George locked me in this infernal place." Ron held his ears in pain.

He and Hermione were squeezed together most awkwardly. Ron began to blush. He could barely see in the dark, cramped space, but Hermione smelled really good, like fresh lilacs and honey.

Hermione had scraped her arms and her nose was in Ron's hair. It didn't look like they were going to relent. She could hear catcalls and jeers from the other side of the obstruction.

"Oooo, do I detect some hanky-panky going on in there?" Fred and George howled 

madly.

"Let us out!" Hermione and Ron screamed from inside the fireplace.

"Let them out. That's really mean!" Ginny tried to pull the couch away from the opening, but Fred and George were still sitting on it.

"Guys, that's really cruel. Hermione's in there, and she didn't do anything to be 

deserved to be tortured by you guys." Harry had just walked into the living room. He was thinking that Hermione didn't need to be harassed, she had had a difficult time this summer. But for a fleeting second, Harry wished that _he_ could reverse places with Ron and be stuck in there next to Hermione. Then, the thought wiggled out of his brain. He didn't want to think about that. Hermione was his best friend! _It's all that testosterone. Guys have way too much about it._ Harry shook his head.

"So, you guys snogging yet?" George laughed derisively.

"I'm ready to commit murder!" Hermione pretended to be angry. But there was an oddly pleasant smell under her nose. It was a clean smell. Ron was wearing nice cologne. _He smells wonderful, like soap._

_I wish her scent came in a bottle I could buy…_

I'm so close to him, Ron's smell will end up on my clothes…

Hermione Hermione Hermione oh, Hermione…

Ron, Ron, wait, I will not_ start to like him..._

"Help!" Hermione screamed more violently than ever. She needed to get away from Ron, she couldn't let that smell fool her…boys were dangerous. Viktor had proved that to her. But a part of her didn't want to leave his side.

All of a sudden, everyone in the room heard a loud "What is this TOMFOOLERY that is taking place in here? The din is so loud, I can't concentrate!

Percy had entered the room.

"Oh, it's all in good fun, Perce," George chuckled. But Percy wasn't smiling. "Hermione, Ron, I'm going to get you out of there so I can resume my work!"

"Get out of the way," Percy commanded imperiously. Ginny and Harry scuttled off to the side, but Fred and George wouldn't budge.

'You always ruin our fun!" The twins complained

"Shut up, you oafs. I have not the time for this" Percy snapped at his brother."If you won't move, I'll have to do it the hard way." He rolled up his sleeves, aimed his wand, and blasted the couch out of the way. The fireplace became aglow with a fierce bright light for an instant, and then the light disappeared. Percy did a messy job of it for chunks of the stone in the fireplace littered the floor. He was in a rush, and didn't take the time to perform the spell well.

Hermione and Ron tumbled onto the floor. They shouted loudly at the twins. They were sprawled on the floor, also, stunned by the blow from the spell Percy had cast. 

"Thank you, Percy," said Hermione in an irritated tone.

"You're welcome. I am sorry that you had to be subjected to that…nonsense, Hermione." Percy put the room back together with a wave of his wand. He shot a withering glare at the twins. And with that, he stalked off to his bedchambers.

Ron stole a glance at Hermione. He could see her better know that they were out of the fireplace. She radiated healthiness; she had a nice tan and sunstreaked hair. She was really cute, in tiny sports shorts and a matching blue tank top. With the light streaming in from the windows, Hermione looked like a sexy little angel descending from the sky.

Hermione caught his eyes and looked away, embarrassed. Ron was tan and more built; he must have been working out often. Hermione cleared her mind of _those thoughts_ and grabbed Ginny by the arm. "Come help me unpack my bags." Hermione haughtily brushed past the twins, and swept from the room. Ron watched her retreating back, and turned to Harry. "I wonder if you can still find any lilacs in August?"

Okay, that's it for now. But, if people like it, I'll continue. So be cool and review!

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